Warning: Stay Out Of Eating Range
This amazing tub of lard is one Josiah Lewis, a 400-pound 13-year old whose mom is fretting that big government will take away her big son.
If, indeed, he can be moved by any force of man or God, that is.
Planet-sized people of the likes of Josiah have a special place in my heart, as they are potential warnings to me about what I could become, should I ever just f*ck it and decide to eat cheeseburgers morning, noon and night. Which, believe me, is something that I would love to do.
See, my country has made contributions to the world that will benefit people for centuries to come (hopefully). Not just in material terms, but more importantly in the realm of governance. If you think that some countries are in dire condition today, how much worse could it be if they had no knowledge of the English language? If they had never had any experience of international trade or – no matter how limited – parliamentary rule? If they had not benefited from the transfer of technology such as the steam engine?
And America has done likewise. To my mind, however, there is one magnificent creation that has been criminally underestimated in its civilizing capacity.
The cheeseburger.
Seriously.
There is almost nothing that I won’t do for one and, with that type of incentivization, anything can be accomplished. For me, the cheeseburger is one of the foundations of America. But not just that – judging countries by their consumption of cheeseburgers is an almost fool-proof way of delineating between “good” and “bad” nations, just as it is for marking out sound individuals from those who are far less sound.
But, thank the Lord, I have a small measure of willpower and don’t gorge myself on burgers everyday. Unlike Josiah. Looking at the state of the walls in the pic above, though, I’m amazed that mom could even afford to feed him up to a whopping 400 lbs.
Exhibiting all the intelligence that you would expect, the Incredible Bulk’s mom and enabler, Brenda Lewis, helpfully explained that,
He didn’t come with a manuscript or a guide. I [have] just been working my way through.
Because you really need a book to tell you that feeding your kid nothing but fast food since birth is not ok.
Still, Josiah has a ways to go before he matches Alexander Draper, whom I’m convinced must’ve been created in a mad scientist’s laboratory somewhere.
[H/t to the lovely Monique Stuart - aka HotMES - for news of Julian's discovery. Please go visit her snarktastic blog!]
October 14th, 2009 at 15:49
I used to work, back in the 80s, for a printing company and did not eat very healthy. I didn’t need to back then. But, after a 20lb. gain and thinking of starting a family, I started working out and dropped the 20 lbs. All by cutting out fast food. The stuff will kill you. I still love cheeseburgers, and McDonald’s has the best french fries on the planet. Shakes, too.
But, everything in moderation. And believe me, losing 20 lbs. in your 20s is a lot easier than trying to lose it in your 40s! BTW, my hubby makes the most awesome cheeseburgers by putting the cheese inside the burger. Yum!
Did anyone notice if Josiah’s mother is obese also? Just wondering. I know from pics that my mom was quite thin in her younger years, but got quite obese the older she got. But, she never was a healthy eater. I don’t want to end up like her so I work out and stick to strict nutrition. Not because I want to but because I have to.
October 14th, 2009 at 15:53
Out here there’s nothing better than In-N-Out Burger.
The double double: Mmm, Mmm, Mmm!
Hungry now.
October 14th, 2009 at 16:28
Hey, Tracky! Thanks for the linky love. Finally! I was wondering what I was going to have to do to get some reciprocation.
Anyway, here’s some right back at ‘ya:
http://moniquestuart.com/2009/10/14/2131/
HotMES´s last blog ..I only make fun of fat people to help them, not hurt them.
October 14th, 2009 at 17:13
lol ur cheeseburger rant reminded me of the story i read while perusing cnn the other day – http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0910/12/lkl.01.html will take you to the transcript – but they have the vid posted too…..
ole larry king can’t help himself sometimes…..
October 14th, 2009 at 18:18
I’ thinking that the house is held together by his gravitational field.
Matt´s last blog ..Czar Wars Profile: Cass Sunstein
October 14th, 2009 at 21:34
Dude…….
Have a Cheeseburger
The Kid´s last blog ..Secret Video of Barry Obama’s Grandparents Comes to Light
October 14th, 2009 at 21:53
Rod’s Drive-In — Home of the Uglyburger.
I am SO homesick!
kc duffy´s last blog ..You call this ‘classy?’
October 14th, 2009 at 21:58
I recall with great fondness taking my kids to the doctor when they were children and seeing them go OVER the percentile scales in height and weight. Seems to me the percentile rankings need to be modified for modern-day people. My son, at 4 months, weighed 28 lbs and was 26″ long. My daughter was just about the same. Breast milk is amazing stuff!!!!
Sandy in Indiana´s last blog ..Inheritances
October 14th, 2009 at 22:48
I agree this is a shame…but since when is it against the law to be fat? I mean really? They’re going to take the kid away from his parents? The government is out of control!
October 15th, 2009 at 06:59
To be fair, we do not know what this boy eats.
The fattest woman I know (and she is about his size) is a very healthy eater. I cannot imagine her EVER eating a cheeseburger, or a french fry. People think she MUST be living on fast food, but she is not.
And yes, at 13 a kid is going to be in control over his eating habits. Mom can offer, but she can’t force a 13 year old to do much of anything–it is all persuasion by then, I think.
(mom of 4 reasonably-sized American children. Two of whom really hate cheeseburgers)
christine´s last blog ..The Only Show I Watch Voluntarily
October 15th, 2009 at 09:45
Oooooh, so many new burger suggestions to try…
Particularly the In-N-Out Burger, everyone who’s ever been to CA seems to love them…
Christine – you are, of course, correct. This kid’s size could be down to freaky genetics. But on the other hand…
How do your children not like cheeseburgers? Tell me that they don’t detest doughnuts, too?
October 15th, 2009 at 11:09
I’ve maintained a 30 pound weight loss for nearly 2 years now. As skiri-ki says, it’s much harder to do this in my mid-40s than it would have been 20 years ago. That said – it’s far more rewarding at least for me. My husband has lost 45 pounds in the same time period.
We still indulge in the best cheeseburgers on the planet – Harry’s Diner in Colchester, CT. Small place, seasonal only and fantastic.
It’s all about moderation. You can indulge so long as it’s a treat and not a habit.
Kris, in New England´s last blog ..Moonbattery, Forgiven
October 15th, 2009 at 11:29
Congrats to you and your husband, Kris. Losing weight is far from easy, especially with the temptation that is always nearby in the States.
October 15th, 2009 at 11:42
I feel bad for the kid – he’s becoming like his mom. His mom is “dumb”, and she’s passing that along to her son.
Candle´s last blog ..RACISM ALERT: The United States Postal Services (so-called USPS) is actively trying to stop minorities from communicating!
October 16th, 2009 at 09:04
One hates beef. And therefore no cheeseburger.
One hates fast food. Clearly he is French. (Except McDonald’s does better there than anywhere but here.)
And a third, well, now that I think of it he hates hamburgers AND hot dogs.
So that leaves my 4th son, who would gladly eat cheeseburgers twice a day. So on a familial statistical level, it balances out.
christine´s last blog ..The Only Show I Watch Voluntarily